Famous Interview with Foster Care Educational Advocate & Trainer Sharon Dunlevy

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Joe Dimino: Wonderful to meet you, Sharon. Thank you for taking a minute out today. I really like your story. Looking forward to getting into it. Thank you.

Sharon Dunlevy: I'm happy to be here, Joe, and to talk with you.

Joe Dimino: Let's begin our conversation before we get into your work, foster care, and being an advocate and a trainer by asking you this.

Living through COVID, going through the pandemic, swirled up much for all of us and changed many things. How much of living and surviving through that time period still affects the way that you do work now?

Sharon Dunlevy: Oh goodness. We are still recovering academically in our school systems from COVID. Test scores, graduation rates, everything has dropped significantly. And with my foster kids, that affects them because they're always lower than their general peers in terms of graduation rights and all that. They're coming at a much greater disadvantage. And COVID has really changed the way we do everything.

On the positive side, I can train now anywhere in the world because of COVID, because everybody now does virtual trainings and virtual meetings. We learned that, oh wow, we can work from home and still have the same productivity and things like that. COVID did open up some doors in terms of more virtual trainings.

Foster parents used to have to go to in-person trainings and find babysitters, and all of this, and now they can do these virtual trainings and not have to go through all of that family stuff that was causing barriers for them.

Joe Dimino: Let me ask you this. Let me get to the heart and soul of what you do on a daily basis, and I'm going to put you in front of a bunch of grade school kids. They're third graders, it's career day, and one of the kids in the back of the room is like, “Hey, what do you do for a living?” How do you answer them?

Sharon Dunlevy: I would tell grade school kids that what I do is I work with children who are in foster care and their families, and I train them on how to get the best education for their kids. What are the things that they need to know that would make their kids do better in school? What are the things they need to do to help those kids? Things like, how do you talk to the school district about getting the best services for the kids, and getting their grades up? If they're having problems, how do we help them read better or do math better if they're having problems? That's basically what I do.

Joe Dimino: My son's 20 and he's on the autism spectrum. I've worked with IEPs, and it reminds me that you have to stay on top of it and allocate minutes that are going to be the most beneficial to their educational world.

Sharon Dunlevy: Absolutely. And in fact, because of trauma, most foster kids will end up having an IEP, an individualized education plan, because of that special need. They either are very hyperactive and hypervigilant, or on the other hand, they may be more sheltered and not verbal. They live in either fight or flight mode a lot. They need those IEPs. They need staff who understand that they're going to be triggered really quickly and go back into that survival mode.

Joe Dimino: It's interesting because I didn't realize that for a long time. My son would have friends who seemingly were neurotypical. Then I would figure out that it was more of an emotional issue. I didn't know for a long time, I just thought that all of the kids who would be in a SPED program or on a SPED campus it was there because of a scientific diagnosis. But there are a lot of emotional pieces with trauma that go into it, too.

Sharon Dunlevy: Yes. And especially in today's world. We've had COVID, we have all these school shootings, we have upset with the elections, all of these things. Because our kids are exposed to it through media and social media much more than we used to be. We didn't grow up hearing about these things. We have learned that all kids have some type of trauma exposure.

Now it doesn't affect all kids the same way, because everybody is different. But every child, whether they have a special need, whether they are in foster care or adopted, any of them has the potential of having some trauma response because of everything that they're exposed to that we were not.

Joe Dimino: What did you want to be in the third grade? What was your dream life?

Sharon Dunlevy: My parents were scientists, and we were a nerdy family. Every month, I got a new National Geographic book that came to the house, and I wanted to be whatever scientist was in that book for that month.

Joe Dimino: That's cool.

Sharon Dunlevy: I wanted to be an astronomer. I wanted to go to space. I wanted to be a paleontologist. I wanted to work with tigers. That was for a long time. I wanted to go into the jungle and work with tigers.

And then I took biology in 10th grade and realized I was not meant to be a scientist.

Joe Dimino: Yeah. That's like the veterinarian idea. Once you get around the blood and mortality of it all, you're like, yeah, maybe not.

Sharon Dunlevy: I took child development the same year as biology, just as a filler credit, and loved working with kids, and I've never looked back.

Joe Dimino: Talk to me a little bit about your career. Take me back actually before that. Talk to me a little bit about the seeds of getting into foster care, taking care of kids, and being an advocate. What were those early seeds that were planted that set you on this career course?

Sharon Dunlevy: Early on, I was babysitting almost every weekend. I went into college to be a teacher. I was focused on special education. Syracuse, New York, was test piloting inclusive education, and I went there for college.

But partway through, I felt called to ministry. When I graduated from college, I went into seminary and got a master’s degree in divinity, so I could be a children's pastor. And I did that for about 20 years. I still had my special ed background, but I was serving children and families in schools and churches. And then my special ed heart really wanted to start an inclusive special ed ministry at our church, and unfortunately, just didn't get the support.

I decided to go into the secular world. I leapt around with some different jobs, all of that, and then a licensing agency in Indianapolis was looking for an educational advocate for foster kids, and basically needed somebody who had a special ed background. I applied for and took the job. I did that on a grant for three years, and then COVID hit and everything shut down. I started my own foster care business and started offering virtual trainings and advocacy work for the education of foster kids. And that's what I've been doing since.

Joe Dimino: Are you from New York?

Sharon Dunlevy: No, my dad was in the Army, we moved everywhere. And I went to Syracuse on a whim, but loved it. It was a great experience.

Joe Dimino: I got into broadcasting when I was in school, and that was my dream school. Bob Costas graduated from there. That was one of my dreams was to go to Syracuse.

Sharon Dunlevy: And David Letterman is also a Syracuse grad.

Joe Dimino: I grew up on Letterman. I love him. I saw an article the other day about him talking about how he really admires the grounded nature of Indianapolis and the Midwest, and that kind of thing, now that he's out of that hustle and bustle of that world that he lived in for a long time.

Sharon Dunlevy: Like I said, my dad was in the military, but we spent two tours in the DC area. Whenever I go back to that area, I feel different. There's a difference in just the way you move and the way everything moves around you and your heart. I swear my heart moves faster when I'm in that type of environment, whereas Indianapolis is a little more laid back. You just walk around and do things.

Joe Dimino: For sure. I was doing some work for Harvesters, which is a food pantry, last year with my son. And there was a guy from LA who was just like, “man, I can't believe how friendly you guys are.” People don't talk to each other in LA and New York. It just doesn't happen.

Sharon Dunlevy: When you're in the DC area or any of those East Coast, West Coast cities, there's definitely that feel of just stay in your lane, blinders on.

Joe Dimino: Let me ask you this: Who's been a motivator? You're doing some heavy work. Dealing with the foster community, you're taking on a lot. Who has been that hero, that inspiration for you in your work?

Sharon Dunlevy: It's going to sound corny, but in a lot of ways it's my family. My parents were very altruistic, are still very altruistic. They raised us to care and be compassionate. My husband has been my partner through our entire marriage. When I served in the churches, he served with me. He supports me in this business where, sometimes, I make money, sometimes I don't. But he always tells me it'll be okay.

Our child is 23 years old and has their own altruism that they're doing, serving in churches, helping others. They're part of the LGBT community and very active socially in that.

I really do look to my family, but outside of my family, here in Indianapolis, we have Tony Dungy, who was our coach for the Colts for a long time, and he's an adoptive father. And he was a great inspiration.

Another inspiration we had was when my husband and I first met; we were on a bowling league together. And this other couple that was there, an older couple, they were foster parents for 50 kids. They used to tell us stories, and they were our favorite ones to bowl with. We mostly spent time talking with each other. They were inspirational in talking about how they did this. That seed was planted way back then when my husband and I first met. And it just grew.

Joe Dimino: Mentioning Tony Dungy, it reminds me of, you all had your day in the sunshine with Peyton Manning there, and how many championships and how much fun that had to be. And I keep thinking about that now with Kansas City. We're on the precipice of something a little bit different because it could be beyond a dynasty. I just thought about that with Tony, they did have quite a legacy for a while.

Sharon Dunlevy: And they still do. Peyton Manning opened a children's hospital here in Indianapolis, and he is still active, even though he doesn't live in the Indy area anymore. He comes back and he visits..

Joe Dimino: That's great.

Let me ask you this: if you can meet anybody on the planet right now that you find inspirational, that's doing wonderful work that you would like to talk to see how they work, that might benefit you and your work, who would that be?

Sharon Dunlevy: There's a lot, and I've met a couple of my heroes. There's a man called John de Garmo who is a TED Talk speaker, and he actually took time to talk with me, which I love, and we're still connected.

But if I were to look at somebody, not specifically around foster care, but somebody who I know has a heart for children, I would love to meet Michelle Obama. Her program was where she really built up the school lunches for kids and made sure that kids did not go hungry. It 's heartbreaking to me that we live in a country right now where it's okay for kids not to have lunch, and that's horrible. But she would be the one I would love to meet.

Joe Dimino: I really enjoyed her book. I read it last year and it was wonderful.

Let me ask you this. I'm curious in the work that you're doing, which is pretty heavy, how do you balance all of that with family life and taking care of yourself? There has to be quite a juggling act that goes into all of this. How do you do it?

Sharon Dunlevy: There is, and it's interesting. I have fibromyalgia. I started having symptoms when I was in my twenties, and it was one of those that nobody knew what was going on. Fibromyalgia wasn't even talked about. Everybody kept telling me, “Oh, you're too young to have pain.” And yet, I had pain. It took about 20 years to actually get diagnosed.

I've had to care for myself. For a long time, I couldn't even work full-time. I had to manage meds, exercise, and everything to finally get my body to where I'm not in pain continually.

But I've also seen that as a gift. I tend to be a very type A personality, and I would have burnt out if I did not have my body to tell me when I'm doing too much. Honestly, I would, I probably would've had a heart attack by now. And I look at it as that, as a gift. It's not a trial, it's a gift.

And I listen to my body. I've had to listen to my body because of the fibromyalgia, but I'm also very protective of my time in terms of if I have to work at night, like I'm training in evening class, I'm going to take time off during the day.

Plus, my husband and I are empty nesters. We like to take what we call our adventures. We like to do something new and different, and we'll go away for a weekend and just try something new.

It's a balancing act. But I do a lot of little things every day that I know are going to help me. I do things like yoga or walk on my treadmill.

I tell my foster parents this all the time, “If you don't care for yourself. How are you going to care for others?” I'm not going to do anybody any good if I'm lying asleep in bed because I've overdone it and my body has just rebelled.

Joe Dimino: Being quiet and in that meditative space is almost the new therapy. I think a level of that regenerates your synapses to just breathe and just be with yourself, which was what was emblematic of living through COVID. We were in such a frenetic pace, constantly doing and running and everything. And it finally was Mother Nature saying, “All right, this is what we got.”

Sharon Dunlevy: I agree. And it's interesting how different personality types handled COVID. My husband and I are introverts, and we have hobbies. If we were home, it wasn't that big of a deal. But there were others who really struggled. They just couldn't stay home and couldn't handle that separation.

I think it's really important for you to have something separate that is yours. I do a lot of crafting, and in fact, I have ignored it. I have not done as much crafting this last year, and I can tell. I'm really trying to be deliberate this year and getting back into it. But having a hobby, having something different, having something that's outside of work, outside of family, that is yours, is really important.

Joe Dimino: Absolutely.

Let's say you have a dream tonight. You run into an 18-year-old version of you. You can give that young version of you a piece of advice based on this life you've led, the wisdom you've accumulated over time. What advice would you impart on that young version of you?

Sharon Dunlevy: For my 18-year-old version, I would say quit looking to others for validation and start validating yourself. Start seeing your own confidence, your own achievements. I was very much an attention seeker.

Now at 52, I'm much more aware of who I am, what I can accomplish, what I do well, and I would've told my 18-year-old self to listen to that inner voice more than those outside voices.

Joe Dimino: Sure.

Of everything that you've done and accomplished and evolved into at this point in your life, what are you ultimately the proudest of?

Sharon Dunlevy: Honestly, I think I'm probably proudest of how we raised our non-binary child. Scout has flaws just like every other kid, but oh my goodness, they are asked to serve on committees, because at 23, they're very vocal, they have my spirit in terms of speaking up when things aren't right, and their heart for people is just big. I'm proud of the fact that we volunteered early with Scout at our side. And that has grown into who they are and how accomplished they're becoming.

Joe Dimino: I totally dig it.

At the end of the day, everyone has a perception of you: family, friends, clients, everyone who knows you, who works with you, but you run the show.

What's your perception of yourself? Who do you think you are?

Sharon Dunlevy: I think I am somebody who wants to change the world. I want to see change. I want to see people moving back towards compassionate empathy. I want them to look at my foster kids, not as bad or troubled, because we put a lot of labels on foster kids, blaming them for what's happened to them. Their behavior is a direct result of what's happened to them, not because they're bad kids. I want people to stop being judgmental and start opening their hearts, and I want to be one of the change makers in that. Constantly reminding people that really we're here to serve each other, not ourselves.

Joe Dimino: Okay. Excellent. Sharon, thank you. I love your story, your energy. I appreciate your time today.

Sharon Dunlevy: Thank you very much, Joe. It was great to be here.

Joe Dimino: Great to meet you. Thank you.